So I'm back after a week long break from LJ. Not that it was deliberate, I just didn't really have any particular urge to write anything. Things are currently fairly samey - the wedding hysteria has died down, and there's nothing particulary interesting coming up ahead until I see Rise Against on the 24th (can't wait!)
I wish I had more to write! Olivia told me a story today that made me laugh: she walked into her kitchen the other day, and her flatmate (who she doesn't know very well), said something like "Ah, my food's stuck to the pan!" Olivia, thinking he had said 'ham' rather than 'pan,' responded "I don't like ham." There was a silence, before he told her "...I said pan." Trying to cover her tracks, Olivia said "Yeah... I know."
It made me laugh because I can identify so much with this kind of awkward exchange - I have rubbish hearing and I frequently make myself look like a freak by mishearing things and responding to something else entirely! Haha.
Today has been lame.
Here is a vaguely chronologically ordered list of reasons why today is lame:
1) I fell over and injured myself in front of many people. My university accommodation is down a small hill. Many in people walk up and down this hill, and consequently all the snow that fell on it yesterday turned to slush pretty quickly. Overnight, all the slush turned to smooth ice. Walking down the hill is now a nightmare - in many places there is NO friction whatsoever, and you basically need to shuffle at snail's pace so as not not risk serious injury. Sadly, I'm really clumsy and uncoordinated even when the world isn't a giant ice rink (many of my most memorable embarrassing moments involve falling over in front of a lot of people >.<). Walking back from a lecture, I slipped over, and grazed my side against a fence... ouch. Many people saw. I was on my own, too, so I had to just sort of get up and pretend nothing had happened. Ugh.
2) Emily potentially can't come to the wedding. Yeah. Despite having posted on the wedding facebook thread many times since we announced the date, Em has apparently only just looked at said date and realised that she may be on holiday with Ben. I was gutted when I heard this, because not only has Emily been amazing in regards to the wedding itself (when I told everyone that we couldn't afford bridesmaids, she basically just organised the whole thing herself), but she was also my best friend for 2 years, and despite the fact that we're not as close as we used to be... I still really, really want her there :/ But she says she's seeing if she can change the dates, and seems to think that this is fairly plausible, so she might still be able to come :)
3) I still feel in need of a zimmer frame. Whilst yesterday's late-night snowball fight with Chris, Joe and Tom was awesome fun, as soon as Chris and I got indoors afterwards our joints basically seized up. I'm still feeling the effects. This must be what being old feels like.
4) Chris and I argued. This is probably the worst one... and most recent. We were talking about how my name is going to change when we get married, and Chris made some reference to how his surname sounds awful on a girl. He's made comments like this many times before, and they get to me every time, because for one thing his surname is fine, and for another, my taking his name would be representative of our relationship and I hate that all he can think is 'it sounds awful'. I've laughed it off every other time, but I guess I was feeling down over the Emily thing and I wasn't as able to keep my emotions in check as usual... so I got upset, he aked me why, I told him, it turned into an argument. It's okay now, and he's currently being incredibly sweet to me, and I'll be completely over it tomorrow... but meh.
The day hasn't been all bad, though... I guess the argument has just put me in a bad mood. Bleh.
I'm so happy with the way things are going at the moment :D Two of the people who I thought would be most skeptical about my engagement - Jack, a sort-of friend who prides himself on being blunt and opinionated, and my eldest cousin Clare - reacted entirely differently to how I had expected. The knot in my stomach that formed when I started having to announce my engagement has now loosened almost to the point of nonexistence, and now I'm pretty much able to just forget about any apprehension and look forward to June. Yay!
The package (or 'jiffy') did contain my dress :) I tried it on, and it fits fairly well - a bit too long, but nothing a bit of hacking with a pair of scissors won't fix. It's not exactly a vision of prefection, but it's about as close to that as I'm going to get for £120. I'm happy with it.
I've been thinking long and hard about getting a tattoo recently. I really, really want one. Nothing trashy - something meaningful and artistic; I really think tattoos can look nice if they're tasteful and well-placed (no tramp-stamp playboy bunnies or whatever). However, a lot of Christian sites say that tattoos are... not good. I have a suspicion that this may be because most Christian sites are written by ultra-conservative middle-aged-and-beyond people who also hate Harry Potter, piercings and skirts above the knees... but I'm still not sure. There is that bit in Leviticus, but Leviticus says a lot of things.
Everyone on facebook who does my course is whining about how the piece of homework we have due in tomorrow is incredibly difficult. This is worrying, because - staying true to myself and my own last-minute tendencies - I haven't started it yet. Hopefully Olivia will be up later, I'll harrass her.
I just had my first Theology lecture of the semester, and it seems like it's going to be an interesting module. The lecturer seems like a nice guy, although he does have a tendency to make lame jokes which few people laugh at, and then point out that they were supposed to be jokes like we're all just really stupid :D
He spoke a lot about self-created gods, such as finance and drugs, and put forward the idea that whatever we centre our lives around was our own personal god... this made me think, what is my personal god? I'd like to think that it is God, but when I really think about what I focus on most, it's not my faith, it's my relationship with Chris. I feel like this is something I really need to fix; not loving Chris less, but loving God more, I guess.
I got back to the flat to discover a little red slip of paper sitting on the kitchen sideboard, telling me that I had something waiting for me at the office. Actually, it doesn't say 'something,' it says 'jiffy'. Neither me nor Becca (my flatmate) have any idea what a jiffy is, other than a measurement of time - and google definitions was no more enlightening. The office opens from 4-6pm, so I'll go and collect my 'jiffy' after my next lecture. I'm fairly sure that it will be one of two things: my wedding dress (which I ordered from ebay), or a belated birthday present from my Aunt. I'm excited to find out!
Oh, and this reminds me. Chris rang me up yesterday to tell me that one of the people in his cell group knows of a few other married teenage couples... and apparently they all got £4000 off the government for becoming independent from their parents at a young age, plus full maintenance grants from the SLC... WHAT?!?! If this is true, it's actually amazing.
The guys and I went to go look at the last house yesterday. The landlord seemed super nice, and the house was awesome too - one of the tenants had a house rabbit, which is amazing because it means I'd be able to have one next year as well! Plus, at the end when we were all standing around in the kitchen, the ladlord was like "You've all been really nice and respectful, so if you take the house I'll get you a free LCD TV to go with it." Completely out of the blue. And it's not like he was desperate for us to take the house or anything, he was seriously just being nice. We were like... :O
So we're definitely thinking we want the house, and we've texted the guy to reserve it until we've paid the deposits and stuff. I am sooo looking forward to next year :D
- Music:M.I.A - Paper Planes
I was completely psyched for my first lecture of the semester, in a brand new module... and now I cant go, because the stupid online timetable isn't working and I don't know what room I'm in >:(
This is annoying.
(yeah, so this entry is NOT more upbeat... next one, definitely :D)
Edit: So the timetable started working again about midway through my lecture, and I was totally not willing to walk in an hour late, so I skipped it. I was supposed to have a tutorial with about 15 other people at 2pm, so I spent half an hour finding the room, got there about 2 minutes late... and there were 3 people in there, who I did not recognise at all. I don't understaaaaaand D:
I'm supposed to have a practical at 4pm. Hmmm.
- Music:Rise Against - Hero of War
So I didn't really expect to be posting again so soon, but I really feel a need to vent. I just called my Grandma to tell her about my engagement... it all went okay, until I mentioned that we were planning the wedding for the summer.
"Oh... Lucy. Are you sure?"
Okay, so there are potentially much worse reactions. But it was more her tone of voice that made me feel bad - it wasn't disappointed so much as a sort of "I thought you were smarter... oh well."
She told me that she was happy for me, but concerned as to whether or not I'm making the right decision. I can understand that - before I became a Christian, I couldn't comprehend why anyone would want to marry young, either (don't get me wrong, we're not marrying simply for the sex - we love each other and know that we're right for each other and share similar values in life, and we know that we would get married one day, almost inevitably - but we are marrying now for the sex). But then again, I was a more judgmental person then than I am now.
I guess I just wish people would give me the benefit of the doubt. High expectations, I know, but it seems to have gone very well in most respects: my friends are all freaking out (in a good way), Christopher's friends are all calmly supportive and happy for us (but then most of them are Christian, too, so I guess they understand), my mum has been great about it ("Don't let anyone else tell you what to do with your life, Lucy - I'm sure you know what you're doing"), and dad has been his fairly passive self.
But I suppose it's easier for me to focus on the negative reactions than the positive. As much as I hate to admit it, what other people think of me does matter to me, and probably more than it should. I know I'm not making a mistake, Chris knows we're not making a mistake, but the young-marriage stigma is biasing the viewpoint of certain others, and whenever one person reacts negatively, it makes me wonder if everyone else is just donning a well-wishing facade. I'd hate to think that I'm going to be walking down the aisle amid friends and family members who are all thinking "She's being naive, it'll never work.'
Ugh. I'm looking forward to the wedding in many respects. Abi - a sort of e-friend who I have met but got to know properly online - will be there, which is awesome; Collette - a good friend from long ago who I've fallen slightly out fo touch with - will be there too; and of course I'll see all my other friends, plus a lot of the extended family who I don't see often at all. And most importantly, it'll be a celebration of mine and Christohper's love, and ... what's the word?... I can't think of it, but what I mean to say is that it will officiate our relationship, make it real - legally, I mean.
And, of course, there'll be the honeymoon.
But I find it hard to deal with people looking down on me, despite the fact that I'm almost certain - definitely as certain as I'd be in any situation like this, no matter what age I was - that they're wrong, and I'm doing the right thing. I guess I should just get past others' disapproval. Chris has - he's dealing with any negativity really well, whereas I'm sat here whining on an e-journal.
At a risk of sounding lame for referencing Twilight, I can relate to Bella in Breaking Dawn (is it breaking Dawn? Maybe Eclipse...), in that I want to get married because i want to progress in my relationship (physically, rather than emotionally - we love each other plenty enough as it is), but... marriage is not cool among teens - where I'm from, at least - unless you enjoy being thought of as brainless and foolish. It bothers me.
In other news, today Chris and I met up with the guys who we'll hopefully be sharing a house with next year, and apparently we'll be viewing some houses on Wednesday. Well, I'll just be seeing the one, since I'll hopefully be volunteering at the animal shelter in the morning (if they take me back after my unexplained absence :/), but it should be interesting anyway - I'm really looking forward to living with people I actually get on with. Not that I dislike my current flatmates - they're all nice, and the one girl I had an actual disagreement with has moved out this semester - but whilst I'm in to Harry Potter and... I don't know, playing pool in pubs on a night out, they're into Heat magazine and clubbing. To clarify: they're cool kids, and I'm a bit of a geek :)
Anyway. I guess i have work to do. Sorry for such a morose entry - I'll be more upbeat next time, honest ;)
Hi, whoever you are,
I've decided to start a new journal; there are a fair few exciting things going on in my life at the moment, primarily the fact that I'm hopefully going to be getting married in June (yes, I'm a young bride at the tender age of 19, but don't judge 'til you know me, kay? :P), but also I recently started university in a while new city, and I plan to get in contact with my birth mother (I'm adopted) soon. I feel like maybe I'll regret it if I don't record these things somewhere; I frequently wrote in a diary between the ages of 14-17, and I love looking back on all my happy memories - I also remeber it being very therapeutic during the times when things weren't going my way.
One thing I've never experienced is having anonymous internet users commenting on my entries, and I think it sounds pretty cool to get to know people that way. So I'd like to give it a try.
That's it for now, I think :)